I Don't Know Much, But I Know I Have Work To Do

Luke 13:31-35

The Lament over Jerusalem

 At that very hour some Pharisees came and said to him, ‘Get away from here, for Herod wants to kill you.’ He said to them, ‘Go and tell that fox for me, “Listen, I am casting out demons and performing cures today and tomorrow, and on the third day I finish my work. Yet today, tomorrow, and the next day I must be on my way, because it is impossible for a prophet to be killed away from Jerusalem.” Jerusalem, Jerusalem, the city that kills the prophets and stones those who are sent to it! How often have I desired to gather your children together as a hen gathers her brood under her wings, and you were not willing! See, your house is left to you. And I tell you, you will not see me until the time comes when you say, “Blessed is the one who comes in the name of the Lord.” ’

For someone who has worked running a Christian youth program; someone who is about to start seminary; and someone who feels a deep call to ordained ministry in some unknown way, I have to admit I don't know a whole lot about the Bible and it's stories.

This is something that I have come to terms with over the last few years, but have felt ashamed of admitting to too many people around me for fear that I might seem unqualified for everything I have done and plan on doing.

What I lack in Biblical knowledge, I feel I make up for in deep love and understanding for others. I have a deep connection for trying to help others. I have a desire to be a source of calmness and healing for others. I want to be the person that someone can talk to about their joys and concerns even if I don't always have the best response backed up by thousands of years of inspirational text.

In this passage Jesus is kinda pissed off. Herod wasn't exactly a great guy, he taxed his land hard and used it for many luxury items that only benefited the elite. He also labeled himself King of the Jews, so when Jesus rolled along, and people were trying to give Jesus this title, naturally Herod wasn't a big fan of Jesus. And the warnings that Herod wanted to kill Jesus were not ones to be taken lightly, after all Herod had killed his own wife and children, so what was to stop him from killing some guy who tried to take his title. 

But Jesus wasn't having any of this. Jesus had one purpose only and that was to spread a message of God's love. Jesus basically says, let him come, I've got a duty to these people to spread the word, spread the love, and take care of them.

I can relate to this in my time of realization my lack of knowledge but my overwhelming desire to help. I have one mission and one mission only, and that's to follow my heart, and through the example of Jesus' work and the direction of the divine help those who need it. I won't necessarily be starting a whole new church like Jesus, but I will be spreading love and kindness for all, because everyone is deserving. There is work to be done, and I'm just getting started.

Prayer:

Great Spirit, bless those who have work to do. Bless those who don't let obstacles stop them from finishing their mission whatever it may be. Bring patience and perseverance to those who need it. Amen.

Broken

Look at the sky.

It is not broken.

Look at the stars.

They are not broken.

Look at the moon.

It is not broken.

Look.

It is not broken.

Rain

Rain

Creator, pour down on us.

Give us a drink.

Clear away the old.

Make way for the new.

Creator. Pour down on us.

The Blessing of Siblings

Siblings are a blessing. It’s not always easy to see when you are growing up because all the anger, jealousy, and competition for love and attention. I am blessed that I grew up in an extremely blended, diverse, loud, and amazing family.

My family grew when I was four, and I gained two amazing siblings who I got to spend awesome times with, box sliding down hills, making plays for our parents, laser tag, video games, and lots and lots of fighting.

I am so happy that I am so close to all my siblings still and as we grow older, I think we’ve had the unique privilege of growing closer rather than apart. Part of this is my parents annoying insistence on trying to get together for holidays no matter how difficult it is to please a million different life schedules.

I was going through my newsfeed on Facebook, and saw mostly silliness from my siblings and realized I comment on their post more than anyone else. My siblings are my best friends and part of that is mostly because they were forced to spend so much time with me as a child, and that they have grown into such great people that they are too nice to say no to spending time with me now, but I’ll pretend they actually like being around me just as much as I like to be around them.

AJ: AJ is my oldest sibling, and even though we have an 11 year age gap, we are as close as if we were born months apart. AJ helped raise me. AJ always made sure I was happy and having fun. AJ lives the furthest from me now, and though we both admit we are bad at keeping in touch with each other, our friendship is still just as strong as any of my other siblings. When we do see each other, we instantly fall back into the role of making fun of each other. As the sexually divergent children, we share a bond, because we both know we are the favorites for being the best. It’s not our fault that everyone loves us.

Stephanie: Stephanie is the worst. She was lucky enough that we spent the majority of our lives living with parents together. Because of this we probably also had the most fights. But I know that Stephanie always had my best interest in mind. She used to let me sleep in her room when she was in high school so I could stay up and watch movies with her. Today, she is the first person I call when I’m bored, just to chat and annoy her. She is also the first person I usually call when I go out, no matter what time it is in the morning.

Jack: Jack was unfortunate enough to share a room with me; lucky for him it was only a few years he had to endure Justin Timberlake posters on the wall. While Jack and I may not have been as close as children because I am way more into manly things than he was, I still have great memories of all the things we did do together. Jack always included me in whatever he was doing with his friends if I was interested. Today, I think Jack and I have a better understanding of each other, and how we function as people. Our humor matches perfectly, which is helpful that neither of us gets too offended at our tasteless jokes directed towards each other. Jack has also decided to marry a super awesome lady, who brings the right amount of his fabulous side out. I couldn’t write about Jack without mentioning her, because they complete each other.

Katie: Katie taught all of us about happiness. She was given a difficult situation, and whether she realized that or not, it never affected her attitude. Many of you probably know that Katie passed away in 2004. She fought to the end, almost constantly with a smile on her face. She will always hold a place in all of our hearts.

Jenny: Jenny was closest in age to me and we both grew up with the same general interests of Barbie, and Britney Spears, so it’s easy to say we were best friends. Jenny and I lived together throughout high school and she was also the only sibling I ever got to be in school with. We both did cheerleading together so it was difficult to separate us. Now, Jenny is my runaway when I need a drink or 5 minutes of big people conversation. She is always the first person I want to hang out with when I have free time (what the hell is free time?) She is the person I can vent to, play games with, and have fun talk about nerdy movies and books.

This post doesn’t even come close to being able to express how special each one of my siblings are, but I feel in debt to them. As the youngest sibling, everything I had and experienced as a kid was because of what my sibling got first. I wouldn’t be half as thoughtful, patient, and loving if it weren’t for them.

I feel blessed everyday that I have these people in my life to turn to at anytime for any reason.

Take a minute, and think about the relationship you have with your siblings or sibling like people. Call them, text them, Facebook them, just remind them you love them in some way. There is not schedule too busy or distance too far, that you can’t just say, “I love you” at least once a month.

Peace and Love to all of you!

New Year, New Me....or whatever.

            For anyone that has paid attention to my Facebook at any point ever, I have started and delete this very blog a bajillion times. (Yes a bajillion! It’s a real number and a real word even if spell check says it is not!) I start my first post usually asking what people want out of my blog, when in reality no one wants to follow my blog. They read the first few posts out for kindness or curiosity, but generally they get enough snooping on my life from my other social media outlets they have me on. I write a few posts and then a big gap of time goes by where I don’t write anything, but I really want to start my blog back up so I delete the past and start fresh exactly where I was before.

            The reality is that this blog should be for me. The question I should be asking is what do I want out of my blog. My “quarter life crisis,” as I’ve affectionately been calling it when in reality it’s probably some undiagnosed mental condition, has had me thinking the past few years about who I am. I, like most people, spent my teenage years presenting a reality of self that pleased others. No I wasn’t the most popular kid, I was actually pretty freaking weird, but my other weirdo friends liked that. I seemed brave, free, energetic, and fearless. But that is bullshit. I was just as scared as everyone else about my outer appearance and how I would be judged. I happened to have probably an easier path as “that loud gay guy” where the unexpected was expected of me.

            I managed to graduate high school with piles of credit card debt because that’s what happens when you turn 18 your junior year and have little parental supervision to make sure you are making smart choices as an “adult.” With little interest in school, and no foreseeable way out of debt, I took the first job that sounded like I was a real adult who would have real money coming in. Now don’t get me wrong, I loved my job at the time. I wouldn’t change it for anything. Managing a restaurant has given me a lot of valuable life skills that has easily helped me in future work endeavors. But after a while I realized I needed to get away from where I was and that job was never going to do it for me.

            Flash forward to joining the Reserves. (This is my opportunity to use a big fancy sociology term to show I am a good student.) A lived a lifestyle of total institution, (that’s my big smart term), where I am told where to go, when to go there, what to wear, and how to act. Anyone who knows me knows this has also been an amazing life changing experience for me. I absolutely love my Army life (even when I hated it), the opportunities, experience, and relationships afforded to me cannot beat anything else in the world. But this too stifled a little piece of my self-discovery.

            Continuing my life I found a little more freedom with moving out of my parents, started to gain some control of my financial situations, and began to get to a place where I could start asking who I am. And that’s where I stand now.

            The past few years have been a little crazy, leaving multiple jobs, getting married, traveling, employments, kids, new jobs, new schools, expanding my mind beyond ways I have thought I could, and starting to really analyze what reality of self I want.

            I can’t write about all this without thanking my husband, Silver, for standing by me. Lord knows I am not easy to deal with in the first place, but when you throw in changing my mind on who I am and what I want to be when I grow up every single day, you have got to give the guy some credit.

            I am getting to a point where I am researching grad schools, and just like I had a million different majors, I have at least 6 different ideas of what I want to study next. At the same time I start to look for careers that might interest me and fit where I want to see myself in the next few years. (If anyone has suggestions on grad school program or big gender neutral term jobs please tell me!)

            I guess all of this rant has come from the time of year. Most people start thinking of how they want to change in the next year. What goals they set for themselves. I hope to stoke my creativity in the next year and I’m looking at all of you who have read this far to keep me on track. I easily put the hobbies aside that I love because Netflix is so much easier to do after homework, cleaning and taking care of toddlers, but as tired as I get I need to continue to do something for me.

1)   I want to read more often and not just textbooks. (Update from the previous blog, I have finished two of the books and two audible books, but I have also bought three more books. I know I’m ridiculous.)

2)   I want to write more. Even if I flop and forget about this blog again, I want to continue writing. I want to write my book of essays one day. I want to get my poetry out and maybe even perform. I want the stories that I have to be shared for the people who might need it.

3)   I want to continue my creative endeavors of dancing. I love to dance (even if I’m not the best). And even though I am not taking a dance class this semester, I hope to continue to express myself in dance and find opportunities to share that.

4)   I want to paint! I did my first painting ever for a class this past semesters and I love it. I have blank canvas and paint just waiting for me and I need to cover the world with images from my head.

5)   Pray more. I think it’s established that my connection with the Earth is at an all time peak right now, but it’s hectic. I need to center myself through prayer and meditation. I need to rebuild my altar, and go back to a peaceful mind to bring everything back together.

            I thank you for taking the time to read my rant if anyone is even left reading this far. And I hope that you help me follow my passions in the next year. So what about you? What are your passions? What are you missing from your life right now? How can I help you accomplish your goals?

            I’ll end with a quote from scripture that I think perfectly describes the unknown of the New Year and how exciting that can be.

Matthew 7:7

Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find;

knock and it will be opened to you. (MEV)

Peace and Love,

Ross

P.S. If there is a spelling mistake, don’t be a dick, tell me it kindly so I don’t look completely stupid. K, thnx, bye!

The Issue with Reading is.....

            I have this crazy habit of buying books I am interested in reading. My habit of buying books is only intensified by books 30% off at Target, where no normal person goes in only to end up buying what is on their list. The problem with this habit is that I don’t have the habit of actually reading them, and the issue is never that I don’t have enough time to read them. I may be busy with two small boys, a home to keep, a part time job, a very part time roll in the reserves, and technically a fulltime school load; but I still find myself sitting more often than I should, so I don’t make a reading a priority. I make Netflix a priority. I make Hulu a priority. I make Comcast On-Demand and going to Target for funsies a priority.

            Sitting next to me is a stack of books that I want to read and a good chunk of them that I’m actually a few chapter in, yet all these books were neatly place on the bookshelf in my room at some point. When I decided to write about this I pulled all the books that still needed to be read, and was pleasantly surprised that there were a significant amount of books having been read still on the bookshelf.

            My goal, during this long winter break from school, is to get through at least three of these books. While I see that leisurely reading as no need to rush, I also see that I need to prioritize my time to include reading into my daily life. I once heard a statistic that if you say your goals out loud, you are some crazy high percent less likely to accomplish said goal, so this post is really just to ensure a solid excuse for not completing my goal during this winter break.

Here is my list of books still yet to be read, more or less in order of when I will read them. Let me know if you’ve read one and what you thought!

• -       Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me? (Mindy Kaling)
• -       Almost Christian: What the Faith of Our Teenagers is Telling the American Church (Kenda Creasy Dean)
• -       Glorify: Reclaiming the Heart of Progressive Christianity (Emily C. Heath)
• -       Room To Grow (Martin B. Copenhaver)
• -       Farewell to Manzanar (Jeanne Wakatsuki Houston & James D. Houston)
• -       The A to Z of You and Me (James Hannah)
• -       Brooklyn (Colm Toibin)
• -       Boston Jane: An Adventure (Jennifer L. Holm)
• -       Weird Church: Welcome to the Twenty-First Century (Beth Ann Estock & Paul Nixon)
• -       Straights: Heterosexuality in Post-Closeted Culture (James Joseph Dean)

Now I realize that one of these books was supposed to be read in middle school or high school, but I never did what was expected of me…and I still don’t for that matter. I have also read one of these books already in middle school, but I absolutely loved the writing and wanted to re-read it however many years later.

And just for funsies I have three books waiting on my Audible app, which I never have a problem getting around to because I drive so often.

• -       Little Women (Louisa May Alcott)
• -       Requiem (Lauren Oliver)
• -       One Man Guy (Michael Barakiva)

A prayer of Thanksgiving. (Stolen from my own Facebook post)

I spent the day reflecting on many thoughts I have had this past year and especially the last two months. I would like to share my prayer of thanks with all of you as I continue to reflect on the world. May you find peace and love in your everyday lives.

A Prayer of Thanksgiving:

Creator, I thank you for the journeys that you give me. I thank you for my loving, large, and diverse family near and far. I thank you for the opportunity to change two lives in positive ways no matter how long that may be for. I thank you for the love and strength of a partner, even when we don’t see eye to eye. I thank you for the calling to do your work and spread your message of peace and love.

I thank you for the people of the world with tolerance and love. I thank you for all people no matter what gods/goddesses they worship or if they worship at all. I thank you for the constant opportunity to question myself. Thank you for the trouble of being a part of existence. 

I pray that you hold us all in your heart, encourage healing, and above all love for everyone.

Amen.